Bulls vs. Bulls: It’s All in the Name

Jan 3, 2015; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull during the player introduction prior to the first quarter against the Boston Celtics at the United Center. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports
Jan 3, 2015; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull during the player introduction prior to the first quarter against the Boston Celtics at the United Center. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports /

As the Windy City Bulls inch closer to being a fully actualized idea, their name rings of familiarity – and confusion. Before the 2016-17 season, there was the Bulls. The Chicago Bulls. However, Chicago’s D-League counterpart is now also the Bulls. That leaves us with Bulls vs. Bulls and some ideas for alternative nicknames.

With two Bulls teams in town, things are going to get confusing. That means it is time for us to figure out some alternatives for the D-Leaguers so that when we say Jerian Grant scored 25 points, we know it was for Windy City and not Chicago. It might also be helpful to differentiate between which Bulls team is losing to Salt Lake City. Imagine arriving to work on a bitter-cold Monday in January, talking about how the Bulls lost to the Raptors by 905 points. What you actually meant to say is that the (D-League) Bulls lost to (D-League) Raptors 905 by 17 points.

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Sure, a good laugh can be had at the office the first time this happens and you, our well-informed readers, may even be the toast of the office for your witty quips. Trust us, that well is going to dry up fast and people are going to start sabotaging your career and your homework and your dating life if they keep hearing you talk about “the wrong Bulls.”

We’re here to help!

Before tackling the Bulls part, we need to acknowledge Windy City. It’s a great name. However, we aren’t going to refer to the (D-League) Bulls as Windy City every single time we need to reference the boys at the Sears Center.

There are some options, but these are bad and I don’t have enough to say about them to give you a full slideshow. Let’s get right to it. Up first, the Bennies. Everyone loves Benny the Bull. When the man behind the mask announced that he would not be returning for the 2016-17 season, I was personally saddened. He was an absolute legend, the class of the league. The mascot is still here and the no matter who fills the suit, we will always have the memory of our newspaper-reading, lawn chair-sitting friend spilling popcorn on every single person in the United Center.

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The Bennies is also a great idea because it isn’t too serious or too difficult to say. D-League basketball isn’t always the greatest spectacle. There will be times that the product on the court won’t be all that inspiring, but if the Bennies are bumming you out, just remember your favorite Bull – Benny.

If you don’t like that, I’ve got more. Next up, the Windy City Wiseapples. If we ran a quick poll of our readers, I would assume that most of you are too young to have parents that called you a wiseapple at any point in your life. I have the distinguished pleasure of having been called a wiseapple on many occasions when I was a child. Imagine a smart-mouth child, who may be just developed enough to reason with adults to the point that they are mildly annoyed or even infuriated with said child. Bam! You’ve got a wiseapple on your hands. To complete the package, we also ban dunks, remove the 3-point line and go back to short shorts, ya wiseapples.

Have you ever thought that another team has a great name and if the Chicago Bulls weren’t the Chicago Bulls, you’d like them to be called a team name that someone else has already taken? Well, here is your chance to live that fantasy. Neither the Minnesota Timberwolves or Milwaukee Bucks have a D-League affiliate at this point in time. Both teams are in the process of locating their teams, but there is still time to swoop in and steal the (second) best team name on the market.

There is already a hockey team in Chicago that has the name Wolves. Windy City should be willing to risk that association. The Wolves are at least in a different sport. This helps out tremendously with your sports small talk at work on a Monday. It might even open new doors. Imagine your co-workers’ confusion when you tell them a guy on the Wolves scored a ridiculous 3-pointer. They are going to think that hockey just got infinitely more interesting. Or, they are going to know that you are a diehard Chicago basketball fan.

Technology is everything these days, particularly for the younger generation. More people are going to read this article on their smart phone than on a laptop. Desktop computers are essentially for librarians and telemarketers in 2016. For you, young adult who is tech savvy and needs your information available immediate when, where and how you want it, I present the Wi-Chi. Everyone knows that finding that “Free Wi-Fi” sign at a coffee shop when your monthly data cycle is almost expired, and used up, is just like stumbling through the desert and finding an oasis filled with hydrating apps and streaming videos that don’t force you to max out or exceed your data plan.

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Wi-Chi is the ultimate youth-friendly nickname. The Bulls are tech savvy and on the cutting edge of advancements in analytics and development. That’s why there were only 19 other NBA teams ahead of them in getting a D-League affiliate. Two more are joining at the same time. That could be construed as 21 teams getting in on this before the Bulls.

Which Bulls is that again? The Chicago Bulls. Because the Windy City Bulls didn’t exist yet. Sadly, going forward, it is always going to be a Bulls reference and you won’t be able to tell if you should deeply care or just attempt to feign passing interest.

My last ditch effort – the Windy City Buffaloes. Have you ever seen a buffalo? Let me tell you about buffaloes. They are excellent. Technically, I’m referring to the American bison, but who cares. Do you care? Why? They’re cool and Buffaloes isn’t very far from Bulls in name or appearance. Also, this would be a wood bison, not a plains bison. The wood bison are larger and among the largest wild bovid species in the world. Not into yet? Here:

I couldn’t tell you if that is a plains bison or a wood bison, but based on the general awesomeness of this majestic beast, I’d say this is the most Windy City of Buffaloes that I’ve ever met. Windy City may be the Bulls, but maybe they should be the Buffaloes.