Pippen Ain't Easy
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5 fictional hoopers that would help the Chicago Bulls

By Luke Askew

BOSTON, MA - JANUARY 13: A detailed view of the Chicago Bulls logo seen during the national anthem before a game against the Boston Celtics at TD Garden on January 13, 2019 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images)
BOSTON, MA - JANUARY 13: A detailed view of the Chicago Bulls logo seen during the national anthem before a game against the Boston Celtics at TD Garden on January 13, 2019 in Boston, Massachusetts. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images) /
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The Chicago Bulls are in desperate need of some on-the-court help. Here are five fictional hoopers that would provide them with immediate assistance.

The Chicago Bulls have some nice pieces but are sorely lacking in the overall talent department. Zach LaVine, Coby White and Wendell Carter Jr. all have promising futures, but they really need some help if they’re going to take their team to the next level.

Some of the common ways to add talent to an NBA team are by drafting good players, trading for good players or signing good players in free agency. The Bulls haven’t had a whole lot of look doing any of those three things lately, so let’s think outside the box. We’re heading to Hollywood looking for talent.

Here are five fictional hoopers that would immediately make the Bulls a better team.

5. Jackie Moon

Jackie Moon is without a doubt the worst basketball player in this group of guys, but it’s the intangibles that I’m after here. I mean, the man fought a bear at halftime of a game. That’s exactly the kind of fearlessness that we need on the Bulls. That would have the United Center absolutely rocking at halftime.

Moon also has an uncanny feel for which personnel moves to make. As the Flint Tropics’ player, coach and owner (that’s right), he constantly found ways to put his team in successful positions, even if it meant making the tough calls. At one point, he traded their washing machine for a point guard. Talk about a gutsy front office move. How would they wash their uniforms?

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