How the Chicago Bulls are in prime position to take over (They’re really not.)

How it all works:

Little did anyone suspect that the mastermind behind the Chicago Bulls reload was none other than Jared Kushner. Tortured and reclusive basketball experts, Kushner, Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak, and Russian Banker Sergey Gorkov have been piloting basketball’s greatest get-studs-quick plot of all-time.

Working closely with GarPax, Kushner has been carefully planning the many transactions. Assuring that Adrian Wojnarowski can’t leak the news, he wanted to create a secret communication channel with the Russians.

True genius also included the wise choice to ensure Kevin Durant makes basketball boring to watch! True genius that also included making sure his father-in-law fired James Comey (he was tall and the Bulls’ can now sign him in free agency)!

Kushner also urged Trump to withdraw from the Paris Climate Accords, because when the Bulls have all of this talent in one building, Chicago is gonna be HOT, HOT, HOT!

So, here’s the final roster:

PG: Steph Curry, Markelle Fultz, Shaun Livingston, Isaiah Thomas, Cameron Payne, Jerian Grant

SG: Jimmy Butler, Michael Jordan, Dwayne Wade, Denzel Valentine, Isaiah Cannon

SF: Kevin Durant, Andre Igoudala, Paul Zipser

PF: Bobby Portis, James Comey

C: Robin Lopez, Javale McGee, Joffery Lauvergne

HC: (F)Red Hoiberg

Rings.

All of them.

74-8 at the minimum.

Next: WATCH: Jimmy Butler's appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live

And, I’ve officially lost my mind. Hurry back, Bulls.