(B)-Bad (B)-Boozer (D)-Dang!…Thought It Was Me!

Rob Grabowski-USA TODAY Sports

Carlos Boozer!!! What’s up man! It’s Ronald Agers, Editor of Pippen Aint Easy. You know the number one source for Bulls analysis, news and reviews. Glad you’re sitting down for this. What’s this about you shutting out the media? Is there something wrong? Did they do something to you? Maybe it’s me. I have been a little rough on you lately. I do have the Boozer report during every post game recap that I do that kind of puts you in a bad light once in a while, okay maybe a little, OKAY! Maybe I do it a lot. But does that mean you should shut out all media? Don’t answer that. Let’s see what has transpired to bring you to such an abyss.

According to Joe Cowley of the Chicago Sun-Times, you declined to talk to the media and said “I don’t give a d@#$!” Come on Carlos! Just because your time in the 4th quarter this year and total game this month is “Gone With The Wind” doesn’t mean you have to quote Rhett Butler. Clark Gable is probably rolling over in his grave right now because of this. (Side note: What NBA website can tie in a 1939 10 time Academy Award  winning classic movie into an article that applies? Well rounded dude huh? Back to the rant shall we? Ready Pippen Peoples, Break!) As a member of the media twice over (TV Newscast Director and sports writer/editor) I can actually say for the record that these guys are telling the truth about you. Why? because we all have bosses that we answer to. If you stink up the joint, kind of like the other night against the Spurs and I write that you played like a star, I would be wrong. Fans would light me up in the comment section. My family and friends would question me. I have an editor that I have to answer to, he’d email his own rant. Same with the other members of the media you were rude to. They have bosses. But guess what, we are going to talk about it and figure out the problem together. Because Pippen Aint Easy cares Carlos, we really do.

I like themes so let’s do it like this. Carlos do you remember the Juggles the clown episode of  the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”? If you don’t go to YouTube after you read this. After that you will understand what I’m trying to say. You see when Juggles the clown was mad at the world and kidnapped Will, Carlton and Uncle Phil then held up them up in the courtroom and forced everyone to watch his act. Juggles wasn’t good and was booed. Then when he was done Will told him as a friend…You suck! Hold on to that and let’s get started.

Carlos, Coach Tom Thibodeau will not let you play the 4th quarter unless Taj Gibson gets hurt, fouls out or drops dead. Every Bulls fan right now is knocking on wood that none of these things happen because you cannot play defense. You see Carlos, Thibodeau is kind of set in his ways and he just is so stubborn about this defense thing. You have been in Chicago for years now and you still miss your defensive assignments. I don’t claim to know your schemes but here’s some advice, when a guard drives to the basket step up and contest. Don’t worry about your man because your teammates know to rotate. You are the only one left outside of Jimmer Fredette who JUST GOT THERE that hasn’t figured that part out yet. I won’t even get into the fact that this scheme just happens to work! With that being said, It’s not that Coach Thibodeau doesn’t like you. It’s because you SUCK!

Speaking of Taj Gibson, I know you were smiling on the inside when Taj missed that dunk the other night and he only scored one point. Tell the truth. Come on Bro. You probably thought that would validate you huh? There’s only one problem, he’s better than you man. Last year he wasn’t but he went and worked on his game in the offseason. He studied the tapes and worked on his post moves. You know, stuff that you should be doing. Then Taj probably made sure that he was around the Joakim Noah at all times. A dude who is a workaholic and developed good habits. That way Taj will learn to be a professional. Maybe that’s why he and Noah have a great chemistry on the court that you and Joakim totally lack. You on the other hand are still trying to get by with that same tired shtick that you have been doing for years. The only difference is that Derrick Rose is not around to hide your flaws. But it’s not that Taj Gibson is better than you (totally). It’s because you SUCK!

I know that you are blaming management for holding that amnesty thing over your head. Gar Forman and John Paxson, who do they think they are? I mean really, paying you 16.8 million dollars next year when you have shown all the initiative of hard boiling an egg in a microwave. Boy are they unreasonable. They have Taj Gibson who does DOUBLE the work you do at HALF the rate of pay. You’d think they were working for Enron or something. Oh Carlos, am I rambling? Sorry about that. But management amnestying your contract is not because these guys don’t like you, it’s because you SUCK!

I fully realize that you are probably frustrated  being in this bad cycle right now. You are having your worst season as a pro. Your stats are declining as we speak. In March alone you are shooting less than 40% from the field. Let’s be clear, if ANYONE in the league is shooting less than 40% in the NBA, in my opinion they stink. You probably believe if you got more time on the floor you’d get better, but you’re not getting time because no one believes you’ll get better. But we here at Pippen Aint Easy will always keep it real for you Carlos. Because we care. Take it from a guy that knows more about this media thing than you realize, the media is telling the truth about how badly you are playing…because you SUCK man!