Brendan Maloney-USA TODAY Sports

Hey Carlos...Cry Me A River...Boo"Hoo"zer

To all my bosses at FanSided and to the CNNSI website who have been gracious enough to put some of my articles on their website. If my rant is too strong, I apologize now for what I am about to do. I’m about to go off on Carlos Boozer. He is the power forward (in position only, it’s not like he plays like one) for the Chicago Bulls. He actually went on record  to say that he was unhappy being benched in the fourth quarter. Now you guys have to share the blame because, you provide the best source of sports information around the globe. With that being said, I’m going to start.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, little children, dogs and cats. Pippen Ain’t Easy presents the first case on…

Pippen Peoples Court.

Here’s the Plaintiff, Ronald Agers Editor of the Chicago Bulls fan website “Pippen Ain’t Easy. He claims that Carlos Boozer has been stealing money from the Chicago Bulls organization based on the fact that he  does not do enough to earn it by way of scoring or guarding a player on the court. Furthermore, he is on record of calling out his coach for noticing it. He accusing Carlos Boozer of impersonating a franchise player. Ronald is suing for amnesty in the offseason.

This is the Defendant Carlos Boozer. He says if Pippen Ain’t Easy, neither is anything up his sleeve. Sure he does not defend. So What? He scores about 15 points a night. It doesn’t matter that he gives up 20 to his opponent. He is countersuing for fourth quarter minutes in crunch time.


Your honor, Pippen Peoples, we have a problem here that is an open and shut case. Carlos Boozer is underperforming to the level of his contract. Look at the game against the Sacramento Kings. He goes out to the media and  voices his displeasure about not playing in the fourth quarter. Number one, the media is not a place to air the team’s dirty laundry. Two, dude you just scored four points in a loss to New Orleans. I could see if you scored 30 and grabbed 20 rebounds, but four points. Three, your defense is so bad you couldn’t watch a school hall if you were hall monitor. Then you go out and score one more point than I did last night writing recaps for the first three quarters against the Kings. Oh, you made it look innocent scoring late but it goes to show you are not worth the 14-15 million that this team is paying you.

Carlos Boozer:

You are wrong. I go out and play hard  every night. I think I should be out there It’s the coach’s decision. He coaches, I play. It’s happened a lot since I’ve been here. Sometimes we win, often times we don’t.

Ronald Agers:

Carlos, I’m a tad bit confused, how can you let teams below .500 like the Pelicans and the Kings who are struggling, bad teams let you come in to their gyms and smack you around. In the fourth quarter, the games are over. Explain!

Carlos Boozer


Ronald Agers

What about Taj Gibson? He plays better defense and seems to score better than you in the fourth quarter. Can you explain?

Carlos Boozer


Ronald Agers

Do you think that this outburst will help the team?

Carlos Boozer


Carlos Boozer has been found guilty of impersonating a franchise player. Look Pippen Peoples, this was all in fun but seriously this sounds like a guy who knows the clock is about to strike twelve on his tenure in Chicago. Coach Thibodeau sits the man down for a reason…Boozer cannot play defense. Thibodeau is a defensive coach. Taj Gibson plays defense. Hello? Joakim Noah plays defense. Get the picture? I understand the frustration, it’s not easy being the Kurt Rambis of the new millennium. You see Rambis started for the Lakers in the 80’s but when the 4th quarter started, he was the cheerleader on the bench. But at least he played defense. You don’t. Oh by the way, if you are trying to pull a “Andrew Bynum” so you can get to Miami. Let me give you some information about Pat Riley, the President of Operations in Miami. He like players that plays defense. Okay homie.

Your sentence will be decided in the offseason.

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Tags: Carlos Boozer Chicago Bulls Feartured

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