Welcome to the Dead Zone: Fun Things From the 2013 NBA Offseason

The biggest and most important thing about this offseason has always been Derrick Rose.

Mandatory Credit: Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports

Hello again! It’s been a little while since we’ve posted anything, and that’s mostly my fault. Part of it is that this is the NBA’s dead period — hence the headline on this post — and nothing is happening, so I’ve struggled to come up with things to write about. Also, I’ve been wrapping up my summer and transitioning back to school, so my free time has been less plentiful than it could have been. But hey, we’re back now!

Anyway, this offseason has not been without its fun aspects. Here are my five favorite parts of this offseason, in no particular order (please feel free to suggest your own favorites in the comments):

Andre Drummond and Jennette McCurdy

For those of you who do not spend as much time as I do on Twitter — which should be pretty much all of you — one of the strangest athlete-celebrity romances ever has been taking place over the last month or two. See, it started with Andre Drummond of the Detroit Pistons posting pictures of Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy on his Twitter account with the hashtag #WCW, which stands for “Women Crush Wednesday.” Eventually — with some help from their respective followers — they started tweeting at each other and generally being adorable about the whole thing.

Then, last night, McCurdy posted this:

Drummond would later post a picture on Instagram of him giving McCurdy a piggy-back ride and apparently they played laser tag at some point. So, basically, this is just two teenagers — OK, 20-year-olds, but let’s not pretend they’re that different — having fun and being adorable. I love the NBA.

The Chicago Bulls’ ongoing quest to find someone to take their last open roster spot

Just over a month ago, the Bulls cut Malcolm Thomas because they are stupid and want to save money at all times. Since then, with only 12 players under contract — the NBA minimum is 13 — the Bulls have been trying to find someone to take their money and fill out the roster. Alas, this has been somewhat harder than it seems like it should be.

First it was Marcus Camby, who signed with the Houston Rockets after being bought out by the Toronto Raptors. Then it was Anthony Tolliver, who signed with the Charlotte Bobcats. And now Antawn Jamison has signed with the Los Angeles Clippers.

So…this seems to be going well. Except, you know, the opposite. Quick, someone get Malcolm Thomas on the phone! Or, alternatively, do this:

The reports about player weights already have started

Like clockwork.

The Dwightmare is over!

Dwight Howard signed with Houston! For 4 years! We can stop talking about him now!

Derrick Rose, just in general

The biggest part of this offseason for the Bulls was always getting Derrick Rose back. Signing Mike Dunleavy Jr. was nice — extremely nice, actually — but this was always about Rose. I have spent countless hours salivating over the thought of Rose and Jimmy Butler getting out on fast breaks together, and watching Rose highlights from multiple years ago. It’s hard to overstate how big a deal it is that he’s going to be back.

Also, allow me to weigh in on Rose calling himself the best player in the league a few weeks ago: Who cares? Of course he thinks like that. He’s the same guy who asked “Why can’t I be the MVP?” before the 2010-11 season … and then went out and won the MVP. He is, by all accounts, an incredibly competitive person. We all know the statement’s not true, but so what?

I’m just happy he’s back. Er, will be. Whatever.

One month until training camp, you guys.