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The Chicago Bulls and tanking: What to expect when you’re expecting

By Jonathan King

CLEVELAND, OH - FEBRUARY 25: Jimmy Butler #21 of the Chicago Bulls celebrates with teammates after the Bulls defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers at Quicken Loans Arena on February 25, 2017 in Cleveland, Ohio. The Bulls defeated the Cavaliers 117-99. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)
CLEVELAND, OH - FEBRUARY 25: Jimmy Butler #21 of the Chicago Bulls celebrates with teammates after the Bulls defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers at Quicken Loans Arena on February 25, 2017 in Cleveland, Ohio. The Bulls defeated the Cavaliers 117-99. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images) /
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Well, it’s been official for a few months now. The Chicago Bulls are no longer about winning basketball games anymore, as most fans of the team have been accustomed to over the greater portion of the last decade. However, for some, this is a sight for sore eyes.

For the past few years, many fans have been bugged by the treadmill nature of the Chicago Bulls. They’ve been good enough to earn the right to getting defeated by a LeBron James-led team year in and year out. Now, it appears there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

For many fans, the thought of tanking is an exciting one. Many have seen the rewards of former Philadelphia 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie’s  process that netted the team so many surefire talents such as Joel Embiid, Dario Saric, Ben Simmons and Markelle Fultz (Sorry, Jahlil Okafor, but you’re still terrible until proven otherwise).

For others, tanking is a dangerous and unpredictable path, one filled with funny sounding prospect names and incompetent front office personnel. Just a short 18 years ago, the Bulls themselves embarked upon the tanking frontier and started off strong by drafting potential future “hall of very-gooder” Elton Brand. Well, it only took a year for Elton Brand to end up on the Los Angeles Clippers. Whoops.

Fear not!

Three years later, the Bulls acquire two talented young gentleman named Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry straight out of high school. In the joke that wrote itself, neither player did much on the Bulls except give that shy kid a joke to tell to the other kids in class he could never find anything to talk about with. Right.

So, you’ve gotten a small taste of the good and the bad and in no time, I’m sure the Bulls front office will somehow surprise us with the ugly. However, forced jokes aside, what if you’re on the fence about this whole “tanking” spiel?

Well, here is what to expect when you’re expecting in this dangerous game of strategic losing.

For those who are unaware (it’s okay, Mom!), “tanking” is a strategy in the NBA when an organization commits to lose games rather than win in order to obtain a higher pick in the draft lottery. The more you lose, the more you increase your chances to win big! Obviously, this is very frowned upon in the NBA, so only about 15 teams are allowed to do it at once. (I believe it was Adam Silver who said this.)

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No team worth their salt would explicitly tell their players to go out there and make millions to intentionally miss shots and lose games, so the general manager makes sure their respective teams can’t win by trading their best players for players that suck, but have potential.

The next step is to replace everyone else with players that suck and have “potential”.

The third step is to lose, lose, and lose some more in order to obtain that hot new Kentucky player everyone’s been raving about! Besides, there are other teams trying to be more terrible than your team, so you have to really strive to be the worst.

Okay, you’ve got that Kentucky player or North Carolina player with questionable academic records, but a sound jumper for a big man. He’s great! Well, not great, but very good. Like 15 and 7 on 45 percent shooting good. But he will be great … maybe! Now you’ve got another season of losing ahead of you. Or do you? How long does this tanking thing last anyways? Well, that’s a good question.

Some tanks, like the famous 1997 San Antonio Spurs tank that acquired Tim Duncan only last one year. In fact, this tank was really an outlier in the entire losing scene, as the Spurs went from being a playoff team, to losing a lot and drafting the greatest power forward ever, to winning five championships.

Now that’s efficiency.

However, there are definitely others.

In fact, up until the 2017 offseason, the Minnesota Timberwolves have been tanking since 2005! Well, they’re an outlier too, I suppose.

Let’s use a more recent (and re-occuring) example: the Philadelphia 76ers.

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    • Ever since 2012 when Andre Iguodala and Jrue Holiday tore down Derrick Rose and the Bulls in the playoffs, they’ve been the best losers in the association. In 2017, judging by their free agency moves, they’ve moved out of the tanking phase and have entered the “we have young talent and a big dream, but have all these picks as a fallback if all of these guys fall victim to our medical staff” phase. It seems that it took about five years for the 76ers to get back in shape for the future and that’s about as long as a full tank should take if the front office doesn’t half-a*s the effort by signing players older than 30 and overpaying questionable locker room personnel (looking at you, Kings).

    So, what’s the moral of this story? Tank faster than the 76ers or else the league commissioner will usurp your general manager. You’ll be fine!

    What if you don’t want the general manager to get fired? Well, some teams have mastered the art of the “stealth tank”; a strategy used by bad teams to lose games while giving off the illusion that they are trying to win. Indiana Pacers general manager Kevin Pritchard is the best at this, as he flipped a superstar in Paul George for Victor Oladipo and Domantas Sabonis instead of some obviously better offers because he was trying to lose as many games as possible, while also pulling the “look we traded for an Indiana fan favorite, we obviously aren’t tryng to lose all the games” card. Genius!

    Anyways, back to your tank job (what, you thought I would be doing everything around here?). It’s been a few years and you’ve moved up from being the 15th best team in the conference to the 9th. You’ve got some great young talent surrounded by mediocre role players and the work has paid off by just barely missing the playoffs. I suppose now you could try to force together a winning team by trading draft picks, but if you want that shiny maxed-out veteran, then you’re going to have to couch up some of that young talent. You’ll also need some of those 38 percent 3-point shooters from free agency, but they won’t come to your city unless you pay them more because their wife read in a magazine that your city smells just a tad bit more than everywhere else.

    Great, now that you’ve got your middle-aged team led by the power struggle that is the All-Star veteran and the young gun, you’re ready to contend for the big one! After one season, it’s apparent that you won’t be better than the third seed and have no real hope at a title. With your cap space tied up, you can only hope to try and Clippers your way out of this sticky situation by trading draft picks to old role players to try and fill the needs that your team has. It doesn’t work.

    The next year your team gets the fifth seed. Next, it’s the fourth seed and suddenly your team is treading water. The fans are tired of mediocrity and they want a winner. They keep hearing about that awesome program in Phoenix that some Kansas star has dubbed “The System”, which has gifted them so real talent, and it’s not like you were beating that superteam out west anyways.

    Next: Bulls sign Ryan Arcidiacono to a two-way contract

    With no options left, it’s time to tank!

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