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Top 5 Robin Lopez Nicknames

By Alex Kirschenbaum

Apr 8, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; New York Knicks center Robin Lopez (8) reacts to a score against the Philadelphia 76ers during the second half at Wells Fargo Center. The New York Knicks won 109-102. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Apr 8, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; New York Knicks center Robin Lopez (8) reacts to a score against the Philadelphia 76ers during the second half at Wells Fargo Center. The New York Knicks won 109-102. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports /
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With Robin Lopez‘s charismatic hair and personality to go with his solid play, Chicago Bulls fans are going to come up with nicknames for one of the new summer acquisitions. Here’s five to start with.

Before we start, let me just put this out there: Robin Lopez is never going to be Joakim Noah.

Beyond being one of the great defenders of the last decade, Noah was the heart and soul for one of the all-time fun Bulls squads — the Thibodeau Bulls — pouring nine years’ worth of blood, sweat, tears and knee cartilage into the Bulls and the city of Chicago.

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In one of his more sensible transactions this summer, general manager Gar Forman provided the Bulls with the Pierce Brosnan to Noah’s Sean Connery: a solid, if unspectacular replacement who on the surface gives you 70 percent of the Peak Noah experience, but lacks any of his substance.

(Instead of charity initiatives, Lopez prefers comics conventions and Disneyworld. I’m not even kidding).

But, he’s more or less Josh Baskin in Big — albeit, as a 7’-tall rim rattling paint protector. His vice is cartoons and starting fights with team mascots and there’s something endearing about that in its own right.

Like Noah, Robin Lopez is a weirdo with cool hair. And now he’s Chicago’s weirdo.

So, what better way to pay tribute to that weirdo than commemorating his best nicknames thus far? Obviously Stacey King is going to come up with something amazing that will immediate date this list, but until then, these are the choicest of cuts.

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  1. Beast

“Beast” gets demerits because it doesn’t incorporate any element of Robin Lopez’s name. You’ve got to have “Stick Stickity”-level coolness cache to really justify excluding your actual name into a nickname. Also, Lopez isn’t bulky enough to feel super-beastly. That being said, this is a long-standing nickname, stemming from his Stanford days, and it functions doubly well considering Lopez’s extracurricular fanboy pursuits (since Beast is both an “X-Men” and Disney character).

  1. Rim Rob

This is mine. A bit crass, sure, but I swear, the dude’s rim protection has been the calling card from which his reputation as a quality defender stems, almost entirely. Fred Hoiberg, for instance, called Brook Lopez a “forceful rim runner.” Although he may have mentioned the wrong Lopez, he was accurately describing Robin Lopez’s best skill. I think about when I see Robin Lopez is, you know, rims. Lots and lots of rims.

  1. Fropez

This one was clearly designed to distinguish Robin from his All-Star bro, the foot-injury-prone Brook. Brook, you see, has no ‘fro! You get it. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.

Sadly, it is a nickname that is doomed to expire once Robin tires of his lengthy, luxurious locks.

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  1. RoLo

RoLo is a great one, mainly because it rolls (or Rolos?) off the tongue and because it bears no small resemblance to “JoNo.” I really want to squint hard enough to pretend Noah is still a Bull, basically is what’s happening. This would be the aural equivalent of squinting enough to pretend the crowd is chanting “JoNo.”

A side note: In Phoenix, Jason Richardson gave him the mediocre nickname “Robocop.” That moniker suffers primarily because it disregards what could have been a fantastic spin-off nickname: RoLo Cop. IT WAS RIGHT THERE.

  1. Sideshow Rob

Clearly the best nickname. It’s also one of Lopez’s two favorites, along with No. 2. I mean, he’s the precise physical incarnation of Bart Simpson’s silky-voiced nemesis. The only downside to this association is the fact that Sideshow Bob is a homicidal maniac.

But, hey, don’t we ultimately want RoLo to be a homicidal maniac out there on the hardwood?

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